New Year New Me?


It’s that time of the year... those weird 3 months in which you will repeatedly type or write 2018 and keep referring to 2017 as last year has finally dawned. So apart from that brand new gym membership that you renewed from last year (you didn’t even need a card cause yours is still unused), and that diet that will probably crash and burn in a few weeks, here’s some realistic goals for 2019.


Feel free to print this out and stick it on your wall as a reminder. You're welcome. 

1) Stop dating stupid people. If you are dating someone and they aren’t stupid... then you are.

2) Eat more cake. Every day is a celebration. Don’t die of Diabetes. Funerals are not cake-friendly.

3) Pet more animals. Not the dangerous ones.

4) Read a book for 10 minutes a day. Trashy novels do count especially hidden behind the classics.

5) Spend time with kids. Sympathise with their parents. If they’re yours, we’re sorry.

6) Treat yourself at least once this year. Spend wildly; change your name, burn down a house. Call it, self care.


7) Cut down on straws. Your life sucks anyway so why suck more?

8) Insult the annoying distant family member who isn’t leaving their inheritance to you. It’s therapeutic.

9) Make a tuk tuk slogan your life motto – Go Fast Racing Cat

10) Put chillie paste on EVERYTHING. The burning sensation upon entry and exit is worth it. 

11) Wave back to the motorcade peeps that try and wave you off the road. Dodge bullets.

12) Stop adding weird people on social media, unless you are actively looking for weird people on social media.

13) Don’t work for free. Tell people to shove their ‘exposure’ in a non-exposed place (hopefully.)

14) Fight for what’s right. Like this petition – and less important things like pineapple on pizza or not. (Definitely on)

15) Write a to-do list. Do none of the jobs but cross them off anyway to feel accomplished.

Wanna add to the list? Comment below!


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