Mystic Punday!

Having a great Monday?

Here's a few tips on making your week better... or worse!



Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)

Today is a day to learn a new trick, like throwing a boomerang. Don’t worry if you’re not sure how to throw it, it will all come back to you.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)

If you feel like you’ve dyed a little today, it may just mean that you swallowed some food colouring.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

If you’re tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, maybe it’s time to call it a day.

Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)

Sometimes you’ll feel like a fake noodle, don’t worry, you’re not an impasta.

Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22)

Don’t buy anything with velcro this week. it’s a total rip off.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)

If you’re thinking of being healthy, and going on an all-cashew diet, remember, that’s just nuts.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)

Make someone’s day by explaining the meaning of ‘many’ to them. It will mean a lot.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

If you’re tired of bending over to get your drinks, maybe try raising the bar.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Don’t pick sushi as a meal option this week. It’s a little fishy.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Stop looking for burial plots for sale in the newspaper. It’s the last thing you need.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Try a new sport this week… maybe football. You may not particularly like it but do it for the kicks.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

If you’ve been looking for a one night stand, try your nearest furniture store.



Have a groan-worthy week!




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