Having a great Monday?
Here's a few tips on making your week better... or worse!
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Today is a day to learn a new trick, like throwing a boomerang. Don’t worry if you’re not sure how to throw it, it will all come back to you.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
If you feel like you’ve dyed a little today, it may just mean that you swallowed some food colouring.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
If you’re tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, maybe it’s time to call it a day.
Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)
Sometimes you’ll feel like a fake noodle, don’t worry, you’re not an impasta.
Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22)
Don’t buy anything with velcro this week. it’s a total rip off.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
If you’re thinking of being healthy, and going on an all-cashew diet, remember, that’s just nuts.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Make someone’s day by explaining the meaning of ‘many’ to them. It will mean a lot.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
If you’re tired of bending over to get your drinks, maybe try raising the bar.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Don’t pick sushi as a meal option this week. It’s a little fishy.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Stop looking for burial plots for sale in the newspaper. It’s the last thing you need.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Try a new sport this week… maybe football. You may not particularly like it but do it for the kicks.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
If you’ve been looking for a one night stand, try your nearest furniture store.
Have a groan-worthy week!
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